Your argument precludes the possibility of a no win scenario.

I had a pretty unremarkable weekend. My boss set me up with golf lessons on friday, so after leaving work I headed over to the driving range-place. I will say the pro really knows what he is doing (which makes sense, being a pro and all). He told me I have to hit at least one bucket of balls every day in between lessons, so I did that. It's kinda nice, getting away and just not worrying about anything. On the other hand, there might be too much escapism going on. I just get tired of being disappointed over and over. That sounds really whiney and bitchey, but I don't know how else to explain how I feel. It just feels like nothing is really stable; the people I was accustomed to talking to suddenly are MIA, my usual music isn't providing the feelings I'm used to; I just feel sort of lost.

Maybe I will attempt to link my life to the movie I watched last night. Now, I know I've already used Waiting in a post before, but it just feels so applicable. Now, I know I'm not working as a waiter, or working part time, or trying to go back to college to finish my degree, or any of the other problems faced by the protagonists. But seriously, find me a movie about corporate youth feeling disenfranchised please.

I guess it's just the way it is.

No movie quote today. Nothing comes to mind.

Mind the sword, mind the people watch, mind enemy - Too many mind

So last night fencing was awesome. Matt was instructing me about different parries (4,6,7,8, if you're interested) and I felt pretty good that I knew which one was which. So he starts attacking me, seeing if I'm using the correct parry. After a few minutes, I got kinda bored of parrying and backing up, so when he trust to a 4 parry, I rolled my blade over his and got the touch on the back of his shoulder. He kinda stopped, and looked at me, and told me to do it again. So I did. Apparently, that's an advanced riposte, that they normally teach you after a while of basic parries and ripostes. Sweet.

On that note, I think fencing is my new snowboarding. Not in the sense that I will abandon everything else and focus exclusively on that, but in the sense that fencing allows me to shut everything else off. While snowboarding, it wasn't uncommon for me to just put my headphones, and spend an entire day without saying a word to another person. It was easier to just lose yourself in the music and the ride, feeling every slight bump and slope under your feet and adjusting to them. You don't care about anything else but your position and feel. Fencing seems to be the same way. Anytime I just stop thinking about what exactly I'm doing and just go with what feels correct, I end up moving smoother and striking with more speed and accuracy.

Plus, it's really nice to be able to just shut your personality off. Putting on the mask, like the goggles and headphones, allows me to shut off the ego. I could be anyone, so it's easier to just be no one. Leaving your ego at the door allows you to stop worrying about everything else, and focus on that one activity. The only problem is turning that back on when I get in the car; I was still focused and not myself when I started driving last night, and had to quickly remember "yes, paying attention while driving is vastly different than it is when riding/fencing."

This post was kinda introspective today, and not my usual prattling. Don't get used to it; I just feel content today for whatever reason. Maybe I still am not turned back on.

But with that, I will leave you with a swordfighting quote from Pirates of the Carribbean:

"Put it away, son. It's not worth you getting beat again.

-You didn't beat me. You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you.

That's not much incentive for me to fight fair, then, is it?"

And in this time of ups and downs, so nice to know there are jackalopes around

I'm not in a good mood today. I can't really put my finger on a specific cause, but I have stomach pains. Not like "oh I hate you Buckles, you made me eat something that will burn worse coming out than going in" or "oh, that shrimp had the consistency of stale oatmeal, this isn't going to end well" but more the "why am I so fucking nervous over nothing" stomach pains. And it's stupid because I don't really have anything to be nervous about. Scratch that, I have absolutely nothing to be nervous about. Being nervous requires anticipation of a future event, and the fear of that situation. I honestly have nothing planned further along than day to day (besides my spa appointment, but that is more of a "fuck yes" than an "oh god no" situation). So, what's up mind and body? What are you trying to warn me about?

It's possible the complete and utter lack of anticipation could be making me nervous. I've never been very good at living in the moment, preferring to look ahead to the future as a way to set goals and not worry about the present. Now that I don't have anything to look forward to, maybe my body is freaking out due to the lack of drive and goals.

I really don't know, but I figured rambling about it might make me feel better. But, I was wrong.

I'll leave you with Ocean's Eleven (the new one, because Sinatra would have never asked this):

"Does he make you laugh?

-He doesn't make me cry."

I live and die for hip hop, this is hip hop for today

Oh man, I am sore. They (those mythical people who are just supposed to show up and give you heads ups like "hey, she has a penis" or "no, you aren't faster than that car") never explained that stretching on a regular basis actually might have some long-term benefits. Namely the ability to walk and not limp along with groin pain. Although, considering how little I've actually used my groin, or anything connected to it recently, I think I'll survive. Fencing really is helping me focus and get out of my mind. It's not easy, but it's simple. Advance, retreat, thrust, lunge, reform, etc. Obviously I have years to go to actually be good, but it's really easy to lose myself in going back and forth. Thrust, parry, retreat, lunge.

I thought I had something poignant to say, but really, I'm just rambling now about nothing, so I'm going to leave you with a little back and forth from Say Anything:

"Lloyd, why do you have to be like this?

-Cause I'm a guy. I have pride.

You're not a guy.

-I am.

No. The world is full of guys. Be a man. Don't be a guy."

I'm not sure you can get AIDS by burning down your house, but I get your point

So it was a weekend for the ages.

Seriously, I went to horse racing. And not like stand down in the stands (aka steerage) but sit up in the boxes. I really wanted to wear some seersucker and put on a straw hat and sip mint juleps, but I don't own either of those items, and me and whiskey isn't the greatest combination with my mental state. Not that I'm crazy, you internet people.

I guess the biggest surprise(?) was the usual, ex situation. I just don't understand how to separate the physical from the emotional. Did I miss a class or lesson about that during man school? Seriously, that's like one of the tenets of being male. Thou must have guilt-free emotionless sex. It comes right before Thou must look, but not touch, thy friend's sister and right after Thou shalt drink copiously. I definitely fulfilled that last commandment, because drinking Malibu out of the bottle straight seemed like a good way to chase a really nice bottle of wine. I think the coconut really highlighted the flavors of the grapes.

On a slightly cheerier note, I played my second round of golf in 15 years, and didn't completely embarrass myself or my grandfather (Reid II who taught me). On 17 (Par 3, 182 yards) first shot put me onto the green within 5 yards of the pin. Basically felt like a bad ass. Which is ironic, because I was playing golf.

This week is dedicated to attempting to figure out exactly what I want out of this week. Seriously, if I go any more into my head, I'm thinking I'll find Fraggles.

So, internet people (or person, lets be honest about this), I will leave you with not just a movie quote, but also a TV quote. Crazy, I know, but don't worry, it isn't precedent. First, a line from Senator Jay Billington Bulworth (from the movie Bulworth):

"You know, there's a lesson here, which is never try to make life or death decisions when you're feeling suicidal."

And the second, well, you should figure it out:

"Dance your cares away,

Worry's for another day.

Let the music play,

Down at Fraggle Rock."

Ch-ch-ch-changes

So I just got back from 3 days in Artesia, NM. Interesting place; reminds me of Gunnison without the scenery and outdoor pursuits. On the other hand, I get to collaborate with some of the smartest business people I have ever met. Awesome and a half, right?

I had some trouble on the golf course; I don't remember anything my Poppop (Reid 2) taught me, and pretty much embarrassed the shit out of myself. It's weird, but I feel like he might be happier if I did remember what I was doing or would put in the time to learn his passion.

With that, here is a line from Ferris Bueller's Day Off -

"I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it."

Internet Dating

So it's kinda depressing that I'm writing about romance twice in two days, but hush. Last night was messing around on my iPhone, looking at what the "Genius" thought I should download, and like half of the apps were dating/romance/whatever apps. Seriously Apple? I have never downloaded one of those, so why do you think I would? Just cause I'm reading/playing games during prime date time does not mean you need to bombard me with dating help.

On an unrelated note, I am now trying out three of the stupid dating apps they suggested. Too bad Midland isn't Dallas/Fort Worth/Austin/Houston, cause there are like 3 people here who use any form of internet dating.

But, I shall leave you with a quote from Waiting:

"So are you going to talk to her or are you just gonna hope you're never forced to make an actual decision?"

-"I'm going with option B."

"That's my boy."